Depression’s Not Fun

By Justn Purdy

Depression’s not fun

What an idiot phrase

How obvious, dross

How foolishly lost

Yet I know not how else

To describe of myself

To live as I do…

Depression’s not fun.

I doubt most all of my friendships

Of course, that’s not all my fault.

There are people that hate me

I’m certain.

And fewer who know who I am.

I know I have true friends

But I do not deserve them

I cast all my worries on them.

I’m sure this annoys them

And I know I annoy them

And yet I know not what to do.

So I’m sorry, you guys,

Sorry Mike, and Samara

Patrick, and Brandon… it goes on and on.

But I’m afraid my annoyance

Has no end in sight

For suicide’s never an option.

Looks like I’m an idiot for some time to come

Looks like I’m trapped, but don’t want to be free

I just want to be better than this

Of my self-doubt… I’d like to be free.

And free by my own will

Not any other

Forever free of my worry.

Depression’s not fun.

Ack… why… do I… post… things like this?!  Please excuse any overly mournful/melodramatic-Night tone you may have picked up in there.  Just what I was feeling at the time of the writing (a feeling which has thankfully passed, thanks to... well, you know who you are)

Beneath the Mask

By Justn Purdy

I wear a mask.

Oh, it’s been said before

But not as I mean it

No, never before.

I wear a mask of idiocy

Perpetual jokes, sarcasm, and laughter

But it’s not self-doubt that keeps you from me,

But the fact that doubt’s all I am.

Sensitive?  Sure that’s an apt ‘nough description

But not one I’d dare to make known.

If anyone knew I cared what they thought…

I’d be mocked twice as much as before.

My self-esteem is pathetically low

I forever doubt my own truths

I annoy my friends, incessantly asking

If I bother them any at all.

People like me, I think

But they would not like _me_

They like the witty, charming mask that I wear

I’m rarely serious, and those times when I am…

I’m so scared of falling,

I won’t even crawl.

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